Dan Lipksy

Dan Lipksy How to Speak Your Mind Properly

Living in a democratic society, we have been brought up to enjoy a good debate now and then…the problem is we can’t all win every debate.  Knowing you might not always be right, might intimidate you and stop you from speaking your mind at all or it might cause you to go into a debate with a condescending attitude.  If you are well educated on your topic you do not need to be intimidated or condescending.  There are several ways to speak your mind properly in a debate.

  1. Watch your tone:  You are not going to convince your adversary that you are right by giving them attitude or yelling them into submission.  You need to stay calm and relaxed.
  2. Don’t use vulgar language:  When I think about someone who is well-educated and knowledgeable, I don’t picture someone swearing at me in a debate.  As soon as vulgar language is used, there is a good chance your listener will disassociate.  The debate is over because you are no longer being heard.
  3. Be polite:  It is possible to politely and respectfully debate a topic, even if you feel intensely about it.  If you are rude to your listener, why would they stick around to hear if your point is valid?  They most likely will not.  This is especially important when debating with family or friends.  There is no point in ruining important relationships over differing opinions.  If the debate takes this turn…abort the mission, because it’s not worth the win!
  4. Be assertive:  You know what you are talking about because have researched your topic so stand behind it.  Be confident about your debate topic and back it up with facts and statistics.  Lacking confidence in yourself weakens your argument.  You can be assertive without being arrogant and debating with confidence authenticates your argument.
  5. Don’t let emotion take over:  When debating a topic that you feel passionate about, it’s easy to let emotion take over.  If your rival doesn’t agree with you do not take it personally.  This is easy to do when discussing topics such as; how you raise your children, your faith views, choices you have made in your life, etc.  These are personal topics and it might hurt if someone tells you they don’t approve of or agree with your views.  Stay logical.  Becoming emotional only weakens your argument and shows that you lack confidence in your argument.
  6. Stay open minded:  None of us want to admit we are wrong, but let’s face it…sometimes we are!  Just as you want your opponent to hear your debate, you need to hear theirs.  You might be surprised how much you can learn by actually losing a debate.  Maybe you fervidly believed in not medicating your AD/HD child and then you listened to the other side of the story and saw life changing results in your child.

Regardless of how calm, polite, assertive and logical you are, we are all emotional beings.  You will at some point offend someone and not everyone is going to be conformed to your way of thinking.  Do not let this keep you from speaking your mind.  When debating, you may need to choose your battles and know when you walk away from the discussion.  Agreeing to disagree doesn’t always mean you lost the debate, nor does it mean you weren’t heard.